Passing the "Century" Mark

Me and My honey at the finish line of the Capital City Half Marathon in Columbus, Ohio 2011

"Everyone is an athlete. The only difference is some of us are in training, some are not". 

Dr George Sheehan

#runstreak Day 150 in the books. Gearing up to PR hopefully at 1:59:59 at my May Half Marathon Race.

This week while running I was hot, cold, tired, energized, sweaty, revived, inspired, focused, ready to quit, ready to run, and ready to rule the world..............all at the same time.

2012 in review (1st Quarter):

January:                        117.89 Miles Run at a 6.2 MPH Average Pace Burning 12,088 Calories

February:                     124.20 Miles Run at a 6.3 MPH Average Pace Burning 14,811 Calories

March:                         146.37 Miles Run at a 6.5 MPH Average Pace Burning 17,365 Calories

April (Up until 4/11/12):  55.56 Miles Run at a 6.5 MPH Average Pace Burning 6,711 Calories

Total (Up until 4/11/12): I have run 444.02 miles- Burnt 50,975 calories- and Averaged a 6.3 MPH pace Running

I'm 44% of the way to my goal of 1,000 miles run in 2012, only 556 miles left to run. I'm thinking of reassessing my goal because we are only 1/4 of the way through the year and I'm almost 1/2 of the way to my goal. I want to always keep a challenge before my eyes.

My average pace increased from 6.2 MPH Average Pace to 6.5 MPH Average Pace due to speed drills and strength training. Plus, the difference between running in the dead of winter and nicer weather is significant, at least for me. My shorter runs have sometimes been as fast as an 8:23/mile average pace, but those faster times are balanced out by my longer slow endurance building runs.

 

In running, there are no time outs, half times, substitutions, or designated hitters. Running is the only true sport. It is up to you and you alone to perform and your greatest competitor is yourself. Ruminating on these facts brings me a great sense of pride. I've gotten to the point that I no longer really care if anyone else knows about my running, it is my own private little paradise.I'm carrying around a huge secret everywhere that I go. One of my favorite kid's shirts says "My mom ran a marathon this morning. What did your mom do?" Now, the fact that I'm blogging about it seems to contradict the fact that it's my secret and my private paradise, but there is a great sense of accountability that comes with linking up with other runners in the blogosphere, on twitter, and in private Facebook groups. Without the accountability of other's, there are definitely days that I could have convinced myself to take a day off here and there, but at this point, the #runstreak owns me and it brings me great pleasure. Once you have run well over 100 days and are nearing the 6 month mark of running everyday with no break, you are intrinsically motivated to continue. Sometimes envisioning the race day crowds holding "Chuck Norris has never run a marathon" or "My sport is your sports punishment" signs can make even the most routine and mundane of runs a complete adrenaline booster. Whatever mantra gets you through the run can be the key to your success, and the great thing is no mantra is better than another. It's whatever makes you run harder, faster, and longer, so start memorizing some energizing "pick me up" lines.

Endurance running is an indescribable experience for me. I'm the girl that would literally about pass out in elementary school during the Phys Ed President's Physical Fitness test. I dreaded every year that we had to run a mile to be scored for some statistical analysis of the general American public. I especially dreaded running laps in Freshman and Sophomore gym class because there were always cute boys there, and I'm not one of the perfumed up honey's that you see at the local Urban Active Fitness. When I run, I look like I'm running. I sweat. I breathe heavy, and sometimes I wear Kinesio tape on my leg to support my Achilles Tendon. In light of my physical fitness history, you can imagine why I constantly tweet about my running and blog about it and the beautiful thing is, if it annoys you, no one is forcing you to read it. I'm the king of the world! (It is Titanic celebration week so humor me.)

I'm celebrating the review of my 2012 running so far. Since the end of the 1st quarter of the year is upon us, I wanted to assess my goals and review them and share them with you. I'm hoping to inspire those who are just starting out to know that you can do it and show those that are way beyond me where they use to be so they can maintain perspective of the work it takes to make significant improvements in both speed and endurance with running. The "century" mark celebration refers to a distance of 100. Whenever the term century is used in sports, it's used to speak about going 100 or more miles. I remember when I was as big as a house pregnant for Gentry, my husband rode his bike on his first century bike tour, then turned around and rode another century the next morning. I really thought he was nuts. Who wants to ride their bike 200 miles in 2 days? Of course, I was jealous that he was getting buff on his bike while I expanded to Martian proportions baking a bun in my oven, but I had not gotten the heart of an athlete yet. Now, I have found a whole sub group of people who run 100 plus miles at a time. These people are called Ultra Marathoners and Ultra Endurance Athletes.Believe it or not, these people know intrigue me. Instead of it being shocking for me to hear about people running 50 marathons in 50 states in 50 days, I dream about doing it one day. I doubt it will happen because I don't have the celebrity of an endorsed athlete to pull it off, but every month, every year, and every decade I can add miles and speed to my repertoire and no one can take that away from me.

Start training today. Find the athlete within. Strong is the new skinny. Running gear is the new "little black dress".

Own up to It

Some people drift through their entire life. They do it one day at a time, one week at a time, one month at a time. It happens so gradually they are unaware of how their lives are slipping away until it's too late.

Mary Kay Ash

 

Knowing that most New Years Resolutions are over by Valentines, I figured now that not only Valentine's is gone, but St. Patrick's Day and Easter, it was time to put my year and my rear back in gear: Game on! See, I haven't strayed from the major boundaries of my 2012 resolutions, but it's a few small things that I promised myself would change that have slipped. Often, it's the small holes in a boat that cause it to capsize, not always the major storms that hit. I have a print out by my computer and a list in my phone that highlight my goals and resolutions for 2012. I know that in order to achieve goals, you must revisit them daily, and oftentimes, several times throughout the course of any day. The resolution that I have slipped on the most is my BLOG, as if I have to inform you of that. I'm borderline humiliated to see that my last post was in February. I must have caused extreme duress for all 1.25 fans out there that follow what I have to say not hearing from me for so long :) It's time for me to quit drifting in this area of my life and have a comeback.

This blog is important to me for many reasons:

1) I have been on a journey and am still traveling that journey and feel like my experiences and honesty can help you in your quest to get fit, stay healthy, and whip yourself into shape.
2) The blog helps hold me accountable to my health and fitness goals. Thankfully, my #runstreak twitter feed and countless running friends on twitter have held me accountable when I was slacking on my blog.
3) The blog causes me to think through situations in life and think of stories and scenarios for everything. In essence, the blog makes life even more fun and interesting. Life is just one great story to be lived out, and the blog helps me see the plot highs, lows, resolutions, and sequels.
4) I love to write. I identify myself as a writer. I am going to write something great one day and the way to be identified as an author and as a writer, is just simply to put words down and slowly build an audience. Truth be told though, even if no one reads or likes what I say, the fact I said it makes me a writer.
5) I get great pleasure in relaying pertinent information to people and drawing people together toward common ground. When I share my experiences in cyber space, I'm making myself available to people as an information resource and friend.

This list could go on forever, but the main goal of this post is to own up to the fact that I haven't been faithful and consistent in my blog, and therefore, I haven't been faithful to myself. Sure, I have lots and lots of very valid excuses for why I haven't been on here. They are all legitimate and genuine, but great people do not build their lives on excuses, even the most well-founded life altering excuses. Even the Bible tells us that the race isn't for the swift, but for those that endure. The prize is given to those that don't make excuses, but keep producing and moving forward.

In closing, let this confession be a reminder to you to get back on track in 2012. We are only 1/3 of the way through. Picture the person you want to be on January 1, 2013 and start working on that person today. You still have 2/3 of a year left to do it. I'm happy to report that with the exception of the blog, my 2012 resolutions are progressing quite nicely. God is proving my scripture of the year that he gave to me, Romans 3:4 "Let God be true and every man a liar." He has moved in amazing ways in my life and the life of the Bridge Church. I have continued my #runstreak and I am focusing on communicating, challenging myself and others, and connecting. Most of all, I am growing as an individual and growth is my word and theme of the year. Even dropping the blog portion of my communication resolution has helped me grow. Go get what you want out of 2012....................NOW, NO EXCUSES!

"The Preacher's Wife" Commentary

 "Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly" Colossians 3:16

There can never be any real opposition between religion and science, for the one is the complement of the other. -Nobel physicist Max Planck 

You can trust the Bible.

 The exquisite order displayed by our scientific understanding of the physical world calls for the divine.–MIT physicist Vera 

 You can trust the Word of God

Due to the fact that the Monday Morning commentary hardly ever actually happens on Monday, I have decided to rename the series, "The Preacher's Wife" Commentary. The Spirit and purpose of the commentaries will be to share with my blog readers, and thereby journal and remember for myself, my personal synopsis and summary of the things God is doing at the Bridge Church and give a brief overview of my thoughts on the sermon and sermon series. Of course, I am my husband's (The Lead Pastor of the Bridge Church) biggest cheerleader, so don't expect to find my commentaries containing any potshots at the choice of sermons or sermon series. I know from first hand experience the hours of prayer and fasting and studying that go into every decision that is made, so I can rest confidently not only as his wife, but first and foremost as a member and servant of The Bridge Church, that our Pastor hears from God. Will everything that happens always be perfect? Absolutely not, but you can rest assured that motives, hearts, and intentions are pure. That is why I love the Bridge Church. It exists to reach those far from God and those who have never known God to bring them into a thriving relationship with Christ and  equip them for service in the kingdom. I am so blessed to be a part of a church that has the great commission as it's primary mission. Hopefully these commentaries will happen on a weekly basis, however, realistically there will be times when they get buried under a pile of other duties. Regardless though, know that the "Amen" corner and cheer leading section of the Bridge (comprised of me being the captain) is always there to encourage the Pastor and my fellow friends in Christ.

This past Sunday was sermon number 2 in our "40 Days in the Word Series". This series has been an amazing way to drive all of us into the Word of God, not just for information, but for transformation. Our Pastor has said he feels like our church is going to grow, God is going to perform miracles in every life, and every person that participates is going to reach new levels in God through this campaign. You literally can't go wrong in your life by adding a daily devotional. So far, there have already been reports of miracles. We have 9 different "DevoGroups" or Devotional Small Groups going during the mid-week where people are coming together to learn how to study the Bible, live on purpose, and put the Word of God into practice. Our church is experimenting with a devotional blog right now to become an asset after this sermon series is over. A church that Loves the Word, Learns the Word, and Lives the Word will be a blessed, growing, thriving epicenter for the glory of Jesus Christ. Sermon 1 was "Building your Life on the Bible" and this past week was "Why can I trust the Bible".

In a day and age with so many people who don't believe in God, or who aren't sure about God, you have to have a reason why you can trust the Bible. It is no longer to be assumed that those raised in American culture have adopted the Bible as a guide. It used to be that everyone believed in God and the Bible even if they didn't practice it. Today, however, there is little cultural Biblical foundation and, in fact, there are many that proclaim to be Christians that aren't even sure they can trust the Bible. If they do believe the Bible, they don't read it or apply it very often. (This makes for an interesting phenomenon known as the "Christian Atheist"- Those that profess there is a God, but live as if there is no God)

Psalm 119:86 tells us "All of your commands can be trusted" (NCV)
2 Timothy 3:16 tells us "All scripture is God-breathed"

Ultimately, you can trust the Bible because it is the Word of God and God is true, but, there are reasons beyond faith and belief in God why you can trust the Bible.

1) It is Historically Accurate- Archeology always confirms the Bible eventually and the Scriptures have been copied with extreme care. Most of the Bible is from eyewitness accounts.

2) It is Scientifically Accurate- The Bible wasn't given to be a textbook, doesn't use scientific language, and in fact is always ahead of contemporary views historically. The Bible never gives bad science.

J.Kepler (astronomer) "Science is thinking God's thoughts after him"

3) It is prophetically accurate- The bible has predicted 1,000's of events that happened just as God said.

4) It is thematically unified- Out of 66 books by 40 different authors over a period of 1,600 years in over a dozen countries on 3 different continents in at least 3 different languages by people from all walks of life, comes one unified message. The Bible makes one book with one main story without contradiction that has survived centuries of attacks.

5) The Bible is confirmed by Jesus- Matthew 5:18

6) The Bible has survived all attacks- The most despised, derided, denied, disputed, dissected, debated, outlawed and destroyed, bestselling book ever!

7) It has transforming power- Nothing can change your life like the Bible (Romans 12:2) (John 8:31-8:32)

You can believe the Bible.

So, this Sunday, you will see me in the "Amen" corner cheering on our Pastor because I know that he uses the Bible as the guide and basis of all he does. You can quote me on that. I am loving this series. Nothing refreshes my soul like spending time in the Word of God.

John 1:1 and John 1:14 are my two favorite scriptures about the Word of God.

In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God. And the word became flesh and dwelt among us and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the father, full of grace and truth.

Love Challenge: Love the one you're with

The Love Challenge

A Love Note from Reese

  

^{Song of Solomon Chapter 1}

² Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—
   for your love is more delightful than wine.
³ Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes;
   your name is like perfume poured out.
   No wonder the young women love you!
⁴ Take me away with you—let us hurry!
   Let the king bring me into his chambers. 

(Love Lessons from Jessica: Kiss your spouse at least 10 seconds every morning and 10 seconds every evening no matter what. You will be amazed at how much benefit will come from this 20 second  investment into your day.)

Happy Valentine's Day!

Today is the day of the year that you either dread, get annoyed by, are ambivilent too, or celebrate with the zeal of a 6th grade school girl with a crush on the popular boy in class. Thankfully, I feel like I fall into the ambivilent category. I am absolutely in love with love. I would choose a romantic comedy or drama anyday over any other type of movie, and love weddings just like everyone else. (Side Note: "The Notebook" is still my all time favorite romance movie. Confession: I've never read the book) However, I feel like society puts way too much pressure on relationships on these grandiose days. This is just my opinion, but, if the only time you ever celebrate the ones you love is when stores are pressuring you to purchase 4ft tall Vermont Teddy Bears or else divorce looms over your head, perhaps you need to take a new look at what love is. I do like the fact that Valentine's Day netted me a bacon wrapped steak dinner on Saturday night though :)

Today I celebrate the great loves I have had in my life. My heart aches for those who have never experienced great love. The old adage says, "It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." This can be debated for hours and I'm not even sure how I feel about that quote, but I do know that it feels good to love and be loved. The first great love of my life was my parents. Sure they annoyed me. Sure they wouldn't always let me do what "everyone else" was doing. Sure, they forced me to do chores and homework, but they were my first glimpse into the world of love and they must've done a fantastic job. I have read that a woman can be saved by the love of her father. I believe that. Because my dad thought I was the smartest, prettiest, most talented girl in the world, I believed it, and didn't need a pimple faced 15 year old pubescent boy to tell me those things. I was being hugged, praised, and affirmed at home, so, although I had thousands of crushes and plenty of gangly boyfriends, I didn't need affection and affirmation from men enough to compromise my personal morals or values. My dad showed me that I was valued and worthy of a great romance in my life. I could wait for God to send me my knight in shining armor because my dad would fight my battles until then. My mom showed me how to respect and care for a husband and how to love my children through the love she gave me. I was blessed with an intact home, full of affection, and never once had to wonder if I was loved. Although, plenty of times I screamed " I hate you" to both of my parents and slammed doors loudly because they must not have loved me when they wouldn't let me be out until 3 AM when other kids were. (I'm so looking forward to these days with my own children. (smile))

Then, God blessed me with the very best man I could've ever hoped for. I can't believe that He let me meet my soul mate when I was only 19 years old. Some people have to wait a lifetime to find "the one" and I had my "one" dropped into my lap while I was still too young to see it. (I tried my best to break up with him once, but he wouldn't let me. It was quite the scene) This handsome, hardworking, respectful, and at the time kind of shy and quiet, romantic boy was chasing me and I was still stuck mentally on some loser. God and Jonathan must both really love me. On my 20th birthday he told me he loved me for the first time while we were gazing at the moonlit Ohio river. I mean, seriously, could you get any sweeter? At this point, I thankfully realized how insane it was that I was pining away for some guy that would've ended up destroying my life, and embraced the beautiful destiny God had designed for me. Our relationship, friendship, and love grew until the week between Christmas and New Year's when my amazing boyfriend flew me to Europe to Prague, the capital city of the Czech Republic, and proposed to me on the Charles Bridge after a 5 star dinner and horse drawn carriage ride through the ancient town and cobblestone streets. He even had picked out my ring all on his own, a glistening princess cut diamond that he paid cash for because he saved all of his $1 tips from his bellman job just for me. Little did I know at the time what a blessing starting a marriage out debt free would be. I'm glad I didn't spend the first 5 years of my marriage paying off a $3,000 ring because I had a man wise beyond his years that knew "cash was king" before Dave Ramsey was even popular. At 21, we married, and have  had an extraordinary life together since. One day I'll detail for you some of our story. It has been a journey. It has been marred with sadness, sorrow, and struggle in the midst of all of the great joys, but any life worth living always has tragedy and triumph. You can't have one without the other.

God instituted 3 types of love, but we, as English speakers, use the same word love for everything. Do you really love Doritos as much as you love your kids? I hope not, yet we use the same terminology for both. 

The 3 types of Biblical love are:

1) Eros: Erotic or Romantic Love (You Eros your spouse I hope)

2) Phileo Love (Which is a brotherly type of love)

and

3) Agape Love (Which is the most perfect form of love, the love God has for us)

Because of Jonathan and I's eternal love for each other, we created 2 gorgeous blonde haired, blue eyed, smart, amazing boys. They are truly the greatest love I have ever experienced on this earth. There is no way to describe the depths of my love for these boys. I was awakened early this morning by their chatter because they had made me several Valentine's Day gifts, of their own volition. Dad did not guide them or tell them what to do. Reese is also always making me love cards and poems (a picture is exampled above) and Gentry is always hugging, kissing, and snuggling me. This makes me so happy for two reasons. Reason number one is becasue I love it. It fulfills me. It makes the ocassional drudgery of parenting bearable. It gives purpose to my life. And, reason number two, because I am giving them the foundation for love that my parents gave me. They will know how to treat a woman right. They will know that waiting for the right girl is worth it. They will know that no matter what they say or what they do, they always have a place to go. They know that there is nothing in this world that can change the love or passion I have for them. They know that when/if they hit rock bottom and life gets tough, there are open arms of love to accept them.

Finally, I have experienced the love of Christ in my life. So, if your parents were abusive losers and you're single and/or childless, there is still hope for you. Agape love is the purest form of love. It is the only love that never fades or changes and that is the love Christ has for His children. Therefore, today, love the one you're with. The love challenge is to love no matter what. If you are with no one, love God and love yourself. If you are with someone, love them the way Christ designeed, with an unselfish love. If you have children, love with the love of the father of the prodigal son, never faltering no matter what. Love the one you're with is not a death sentence, but a gift of life. Quit looking everywhere for love, you have love right in front of you. If you are married, commit to being the best spouse your spouse could ever have. You can only control yourself, not them, so make yourself the best you can be. If you have children, model for them self-respect, integrity, purity, and grace. Teaching them these principles will be one of the greatest acts of love you can do for them. Don't buy their love, show them love with words and deeds. And, finally, if you are single, love yourself. Married people need to love themselves too or it will cause major problems in their relationship, but love yourself. Love your community. Love those around you. The grass is not greener on the other side. The grass is greenest where it is being watered and fertilized, so love the one  you're with.

Love Challenge: Go with the Flow

My Valentine's

Don't compare your love story to those you watch in movies. They're written by scriptwriters, yours is written by God.- @TheNoteboook

This week has been all about going with the flow for me. It started Sunday with one very sick 6 year old who was insistent that he couldn't miss church. Reese woke up Sunday and threw up, but then afterward said he was feeling better and that Sunday was his favorite day of the week and he couldn't miss BridgeKidz. He told me he had really been looking forward to starting "40 Days in the Word", the "Bible Boat" with his Sunday School class. I, of course, melted inside and sighed. What Christian mother doesn't long to hear those words? I must have done something good along the way. So, I relented and off we went for a great Sunday at the Bridge Church. (By the Way, My Bridge Church Commentaries are coming back to the blog. They have just been on the back burner with all of the curve balls life has been shooting). During the course of Sunday morning and church, he proceeded to throw up several more times and at the end of the day Sunday had thrown up 6 times. The most memorable moment was at the stroke of midnight (no joke, exactly 12) I heard noise coming from the boys room. They share a room and have bunk beds. I got up to inspect and Gentry, who to this point had not been sick, was standing there and starting throwing up all over the floor, walls, and doors while simultaneously Reese started throwing up all over himself and in his bed. I had put them to bed with bags and trash cans, but they apparently couldn't get to them quick enough and we had the makings of a new Olympic sport "Synchronized Vomiting". I stood there laughing hysterically like a crazy person. I mean really, what else could I have done? From there, baths happened, beds were stripped, the wet/dry vac came out, floors were mopped, walls wiped, sheets and blankets cleaned off and washed, and mattresses sanitized before new sheets were put on. It's all part of being a parent. Those middle of the night events and our reaction to them all go to create the foundation of love, care, and acceptance that our kids can stand on when life knocks them down.

Reese continued to have a fever and be sick the next couple of days and then his eyes got red, itchy, crusty, and full of green goo. The school would not let him go back without a Dr's note even though he was feeling better. I took him to the Dr and thankfully he didn't have pink-eye, just bacterial conjunctivitis which is treatable with an antibiotic and eye drops. In the midst of all this, we had company in from out of town on Monday afternoon and evening that stayed through until Tuesday, music practice at my house on Tuesday, as well as all of the other duties, chores, and assignments of life. Flash forward to Wednesday and the record began to play again, only this time it was my husband. So, anyway, I sit here on Friday wanting to form the eloquent blog I had in mind for this week that now seems so far off from my mind. The good news for all of my fitness followers is that my running continued throughout all of this nonsense. I even ran my "long" training run of the week yesterday, 8 miles, just to get out of the house for a brief moment of fresh non-toxic air and sanity. In moments like these running isn't a bothersome "to do" list item, but something I crave and need.


My intention was to blog a "Love Challenge" in honor of Valentine's Day this next week. I am still going to blog the challenge I had in mind, but first wanted to issue a different type of challenge. I challenge everyone to go with the flow in their relationships. Relationships take a lot of work, but usually the hard work happens when we try to control everyone in our lives. I learned early on in my marriage that I can fixate on the fact that socks aren't being put in the hamper or the fact that they are turned inside out or the fact that they are balled together when I go to do laundry, or I can fixate on the fact that I married a man of great integrity, character, respect, and love. Far too often we do not go with the flow. We get something set in our heads, possibly based on an unrealistic movie or novel, and then complain or nag when life doesn't turn out exactly how you want it to. This can happen in love relationships, parental relationships, or friendships. I am a Type A personality, so going with the flow isn't natural to me. Maybe it is for you. Maybe you let life happen to you and it doesn't bother you much. My personality is to make life happen and to make life fit into the mold I have for it. This is a fabulous personality to have on a lot of days, but a frustrating one when others around me don't do exactly what I want when I want it how I want it. It sounds so selfish when pen is put to paper, but it is what it is. I am yielded to God in this area of my life, and that is what keeps me from displaying the ugly side of my Type A and utilizing for His glory the good sides of it.

As a lady that lives with 3 men, I have learned that men need to be honored, encouraged, and esteemed. The greatest gift a wife can give her husband is to let him be the man. It bothers me so much to see a marriage where the man is emasculated. I am a strong woman, but being a strong, independent, educated woman doesn't mean that you can't be your mans girl. Real men want a real woman. The Bible has a lot more to say about being a Godly wife and mother than what you usually hear. I know that I used to get visions of women in Victorian dresses that are giddy about lace doilies when I would hear preaching about a Godly wife and mother. This is not a correct image or view, unless that is who you are. The most Godly wife and mother is the wife and mother that honors her family, reads and prays God's word, and is true to herself. To me a Godly wife is one that makes her man feel like the most handsome, rich, smart, Godly man in the world. I could choose to be annoyed over the fact that certain things may not live up to my specifications at times, or I could choose to be thankful for my husbands hard work, diligence, character, and love.

This week for Valentine's Day, don't put weird undue pressure on your relationship. If you are only celebrating your love one day a year, you have bigger problems anyway. Everyday should be Valentine's Day. I don't want a teddy bear. I don't want chocolates.  I really don't even want flowers. I am happy, content, and beyond blessed with all of the love in my home. So, when you're wiping vomit and knee deep in flu viruses from the men in your life, know that you are experiencing the greatest depths of true love. My dad asked me several times a week during my engagement "Do you love Jonathan enough that if he was paralyzed from a car wreck during your honeymoon that you would stay with him forever and take care of him and honor him with faithfulness, fidelity, and kindness?" As a 21 year old girl, that was a HUGE question. At the time I said "Yes" and honestly believed it, but after 11 years of marriage, 2 kids, major stressful life situations, and all that we have been through I believe it even more. The true love challenge of going with the flow is to love your spouse, your children, and your friends the way they need to be loved. Put yourself aside and jump into their flow. That shows true love and respect.


Here is an excerpt from the book "Real Marriage" that said better than I said what I want to say:

Ladies, you’re very powerful. And here’s what’ll happen if you disrespect your husband.

Number one, if you disrespect your husband, you put him in a lose/lose scenario, especially if you do it in front of other people. That’s why some of you do. It’s like a hostage situation. If you disrespect him, here are his choices. “I respond to her, and then I’m a bully, and I’m mean, and I’m not very nice. And I know she’s going to get loud and embarrass me or cry and humiliate me. I can’t beat this woman.” Or he says, “Okay, I’m just gonna take it,” and then he’s a wuss. It’s a lose/lose. A man can’t win an argument with a disrespectful wife. It’s a lose/lose.

Number two, if you disrespect him, you will drive him away. I’m not saying it’s right, but I’m saying it’s inevitable.

Number three, you can have a big, outgoing, vivacious personality and still be respectful. (My favorite line because this is me)
And some of you have believed a demonic lie: “I’ve got a big personality. I’m an outgoing, gregarious person. That’s why I’m disrespectful.” No, you can have a big personality. You can be a strong gal. You can have strong opinions. You can be an extrovert and still be respectful.

And number four, here’s the hard, cold, sad, painful truth. If you disrespect him and win, so that you can rule over him, you will despise him and not even be attracted to him. True or false? You’re like, “I beat that guy. Now I feel like his mother. He’s not even interesting to me.”

RePost: From Fat to Fit

This blog, From Fat to Fit, was originally posted January 17, 2011. The content is still relevant and I have had requests recently about the content, so I decided to RePost it for easy access. More to come tomorrow on the #runstreak this week, the FAQ's of the week, my insight into Romans for our church LifeGroups this week, and my commentary about what God is doing in the Bridge Church. I hope you keep coming back to the blog. Feel free to comment and leave any questions.

I've lost even more weight and toned up further since these "after" pictures.

Biggest Loser Style Pose

I have been inundated with requests to take people through my lifestyle change journey and have decided, after answering countless personal emails and typing the same things over and over again, to try and narrate for you my journey, what helped me, what didn’t help, and some things that I’m still working to improve. We are already almost through January 2011 and I imagine some of you have been successful in your resolutions and are full swing into your weight loss and/or fitness/health journey and there are others of you that caved the second the Valentine’s Day displays went up at the stores and you caught glimpse of the beloved lover “chocolate”.

After overdosing on yummy food goodness for at least a month between Thanksgiving and Christmas, most people heave a disappointed sigh as they try to fit into their pants. Having already started the holidays with a few extra pounds they vowed to get off the year prior, they just give in for “one more month” with a renewed declaration in their spirits to try again next year. Well, next year is here and some of those people are currently beating themselves up because they are already off the wagon again. Oh well, better luck next time in 2012 they say. That person was me in 2009. Every year since I can remember I’ve been vowing to lose weight. This blog is my story of journey and triumph.

If you could add up all the diets I’ve been on, all the books on food and dieting I’ve read, and the number of exercise related paraphernalia I’ve purchased in my life, I’m sure you’d be blown away. In fact, I ought to have my Medical Degree in nutrition by now earned by life credits and personal development. It may surprise you to learn a few things about me that I don’t like to talk about. Believe it or not, there are things I don’t like to discuss. For the sake of helping my friends, acquaintances, and even just random women down the street, I will share with you.
Number one, before my two pregnancies and subsequent weight gain, I actually, at one point in my life, struggled with anorexic behaviors. It was actually humiliating for me to admit this at one point because how could a 5’7” 98 pound girl balloon to where I had gotten. How’s that for recovery? Believe it or not, people with disordered eating can easily swing from anorexia to morbid obesity. It really is the same faulty thought patterns that get people. I personally know several obese people that struggle with bulimia and anorexia. I encourage you to not make judgments on peoples eating and fitness levels when you don’t know their story. Number two fact played into my lifestyle change was the fact that my dad was in his 30’s when his health began to fail. He died at 51. Realizing that I was turning 30 in 2010 really took me to a place mentally that few can understand. It’s not about growing older. It’s not about impending wrinkles or vanity, but it was about the fact that my life could already be half over. I have so many relatives that didn’t live very long or healthy lives. My blood Bentley relatives can attest to you that our genetics are some sort of ticking time bomb and they are definitely not conducive to being thin and healthy. The Bentley relatives that are thin and healthy work overtime to be so. We are not natural hotties, but we’re geniuses, guess you can’t have it all :)

My struggles with weight began at age 14 when I realized I was fat. I know my mom will read this and weep and say “Jessica how could you think that”, but those of you that knew me then and don’t have the maternal emotional ties will attest to the fact that this was true. I really and truly did need to lose weight. I was ending Junior High and beginning high school and wanted to be attractive to the opposite sex. Puberty really has a way of messing with your head. I began a healthy, balanced diet that quickly spiraled into an unhealthy intake of only 500 calories at the most a day coupled with lots of exercise and quick, out of control weight loss. I’m sure this time period in my life destroyed my metabolism. I would not say that I was anorexic in a classic sense because anorexics cannot see what they are doing to themselves and often times still view themselves as fat. I did not view myself as fat; in fact, I viewed myself as superior to everyone else. They had to eat to live and I didn’t. I had power over it. To make an incredibly long story short, my wakeup call came at a Doctor’s appointment when I was 15 and at 5’7” weighed 98 pounds, had a blood sugar of 12 and was told my liver would fail within a year if I didn’t start eating better. Miraculously, this was all I needed to know. I certainly didn’t want to die. I also had such kind friends (you know who you are) that started calling me “skelator”. This actually didn’t’ help me. I knew this was their way to express how scared they felt about my condition but in reality it just made me feel more superior. I was skinnier than anybody and everyone knew it. I was awesome.

After my wake up call, I was told to gain weight. This was amazing to me. I had never needed to gain weight. I was always fat. I didn’t enter this next phase of my journey very well. I started eating like a crazy person. My body was probably malnourished so was prompting me to eat constantly. My weight went up practically overnight. I wish I had stayed at 135 pounds on my way up the scale, but at some point I quit caring about my weight again. I wanted to be attractive, but at the time had boyfriends and male suitors, so I guess I was accomplishing that on some level. In retrospect, all of this insanity I’m sure was tied into the stress of long term illness. My dad’s kidneys failed when I was in 3rd grade and so for years he was on a doctor’s restricted diet. Our whole house revolved around sodium content, sugar content, and the scale. When your kidneys fail, you have to weigh yourself several times a day because you aren’t peeing at all. You have to make sure the water doesn’t build up too much. I guarantee that my weight loss, although necessary and healthy initially, spiraled into something I could control in my life. My dad went on to a kidney transplant when I was 10 but battled everything in the book for the next 14 years after that until he died. I bet people really don’t know the extent of the stress in my family because my dad was an eternal optimist, a genius, and a hard worker. I even had myself convinced he wasn’t as sick as he really was. Perhaps my over control of calories went the opposite way when I was told to gain weight.

Whichever way you swing, if you are on the anorexic end or overeating end, ultimately you have a very unhealthy relationship with food. One thing that changed my journey was to stop looking at food as anything other than fuel. I still enjoy eating. I love the act of eating with my family and friends. I love to cuddle with a bowl of ice cream on the couch with my husband and enjoy the silence of my kids being in bed. I love celebrating the holidays with food. The only difference this time is that I listen to my body. Food is not your friend or your enemy, it is just food. It won’t make you happy or change your life. An apple tastes just as good as apple pie. So, unless it’s a holiday, why sabotage yourself with the unhealthier choice?

If you sat down to read this thinking you were getting a light hearted blog about weight loss, you are surprised by now I’m sure! I don’t feel like I can be truly honest about how I came to this point without sharing all of that with you. For most people, weight loss isn’t just about food or weight, it’s about stuff much deeper and more complex, so unless you deal with all of that, you’ll just keep yo-yo dieting. I overcame my food issues years ago. Once I got married, I settled happily into life and didn’t really think about food much. I just enjoyed eating. I gained about 15 wedding pounds and then got pregnant with my first son. I then gained 25 pounds being pregnant and lost only about 15 of those pounds after he was born. If you’re not good at math, I’ll spell it out. That means I started my second pregnancy 25 pounds bigger than I was on my wedding day. I gained 30 pounds in my second pregnancy and then was thrown into a whirlwind of life 6 months after giving birth. We moved, began traveling full time to cast vision for the church we were to be starting in Cleveland, and living on an insane schedule. I had lost a few of the pregnancy pounds but found myself actually gaining instead of losing. Because of our travel schedule and preaching at churches all over the country, we were eating out constantly, eating out at weird hours of the day, and offered very few healthy choices and options. I was also caring for a toddler and infant who had no structure or schedule due to the insane nature of our life at the time. I nursed both of my children for the first year and didn’t find the weight loss benefit from it that many of my friends find.

Add to this the death of my dad right before my first pregnancy and pretty much, I had a recipe for disaster. I stood on the scale one morning at the end of 2009 and declared, “I will not be this person anymore.” I was going to lose weight healthy and normally, rid my mind of both the anorexic extremist control of my early teenage years and of the “lassiez-faire” attitude of marriage and motherhood, and get my health in order. I was turning 30 and I wanted to do everything in my power to make sure my sons have a mother that lives to be older than 51. None of my dad’s illnesses were weight related and I might still get some long term illness even trying to live healthy, but I need to know I’m doing everything in my power to lose weight.
I have not used supplements or pills. I have done this the old fashioned way. I have taken all the advice, tidbits, and pieces of knowledge I have gathered over the years and with trial and error applied all the things that work for me. First off, I joined Curves. Curves is a gym for women. Cuyahoga County offered free memberships through the Cleveland Clinic’s Go Fit program last year so I didn’t have to pay any startup fee or monthly fee for 6 full months. The program made you get weighed and measured weekly and if you didn’t go a minimum of 3 times, they charged you. I literally despise wasting money so that was a major motivator and the weekly weigh in's kept me accountable. I got up at 6:30 am and hit the gym 3 times a week to start off. The weight began to fall off me. It was amazing. I was following the Curves Weight management plan which is almost identical to weight watchers. You have free fruits and vegetables and an emphasis on protein. It doesn’t eliminate carbs, but carbs are no longer your main fuel source. I even allowed myself every Sunday to eat whatever I wanted and didn’t deprive myself during the week. My main key was exercise and counting calories. I use Live Strong/the Daily Plate. They have a website or you can download their APP for your smartphone. I used Live Strong to determine my calorie count for the day, count my calories, and log my food choices. I still use Live Strong. It provides you with the knowledge you need. I bet you’d be shocked if you actually realized how many calories you truly need to how many you are actually consuming. I’ve been one to make healthier choices even at my most overweight points, but I obviously was very unaware of how much was truly going in.

I’m sorry this isn’t a lose weight quick blog. I have found that losing weight quickly doesn’t work. It doesn’t deal with the issues you have surrounding food and body image and it doesn’t’ deal with the bigger picture of how you can come up with a plan that you can live with. It doesn’t change your lifestyle. The fact of the matter is calories in, calories out. The fact is that you can be thin and skinny without being healthy. If been thin or skinny is your goal, I’m probably not the person to motivate you. Jillian Michael’s calls these people “Fat-Skinny People”. Being thin or skinny doesn’t mean you are physically fit, healthy, or happy. I have learned through all of my dieting, food issues, and loss/grief issues due to my dad’s health problems and subsequent death that you are in charge of your own happiness. As a Christian, my joy comes from God. This world wants to rob you of your joy and your self-worth as a human being, and especially as women. God just wants you to be the best you that you can be. My goal is to be healthy. I can serve God, my family, and my fellow man better when I’m healthy. Don’t get me wrong, I do want to be thin, but my health matters more to me.

The fitness gains I earned at Curves pushed me into pursuing what I once thought was impossible. I’ve never been athletic. Even at my thinnest points, I wasn’t truly physically fit. I’ve always enjoyed moving and never been lazy, but most exercise attempts stopped at just speed walking. Now, with Curves, I was doing circuit training, strength training, and cardio and began to feel the need to step it up. My husband had picked back up his quest to be healthy too and mentioned he wanted to do a marathon. I thought, why not, and told him I wanted to join him in a half marathon. My first few days out I couldn’t even run a mile. With a combination of walk/running, Curves, and marathonrookie.com, I was able to train for and run the 13.1 mile Akron Half-Marathon in 2:34 and that time includes my bathroom breaks so the run was probably more like 2:28.

My story is still ongoing. I’m not to the end of my journey. If weight loss was my ultimate goal, I’m about 10 pounds from my ideal “dream” weight, but it’s not my ultimate goal. I’m currently 26% body fat but would like to be 21%-24% which is optimum fitness for a girl. I’d like to take my health the next level by reducing/eliminating diet drinks, reducing/eliminating artificial sweeteners, and eating foods with very few ingredients. Jillian Michaels says to only eat things that have a mother or that came straight from the ground. I also am trying to not eat foods that have ingredients in them that you need a PhD to pronounce or describe. I’m still working on this. The call of the “hydrogenated” sirens is sometimes too hard to resist. I’d also like to further reduce sodium. I’m a work in progress and God calls me fearfully and wonderfully made. I’ve learned to love the way I look and not compare myself to the Kim Kardashians of the world. Fact of the matter is that normal women don’t look like that because we don’t engage in plastic surgery, have the money for personal trainers, and have personal chefs. I don’t compare myself to my friends that are several inches shorter than me or have a smaller bone structures anymore. I am who I am and God ordained me to be who I am and I’m enjoying every second of my full life in Christ and with my friends and family. Life is a precious gift and I want mine to be as long and healthy as possible.

Helpful hints:1) Drink lots of water. Not only does it fill you up but it actually increases your metabolism by as much as 30% for 40-45 minutes after drinking it.
2) Eat tons of fiber. This fills you up and helps your body clear out toxins. (Hey, I said it as nice as I could)
3) Eat lots of fruits and vegetables (Sorry. No getting around this)
4) Exercise a minimum of 3 days a week. Having no time is not a good excuse. Make time even if it means setting the alarm an hour early every day.
5) Don’t let money be an excuse. A lack of money is not a good excuse to not eat healthy and exercise. You will either pay in lots of medical bills and health related problems or pay to purchase healthier groceries and for the necessary exercise gear. Either way, eventually you’ll pay. Let health be a priority. Cancel your Cable TV if you have to. Being healthy is more important.
6) Have a good support system. Lots of people have actually tried to discourage me believe it or not. I tune these voices out with the voices of my champions and supporters. Don’t let fat, jealous, miserable, unhealthy people steer your course. Find your true friends and family and let them support you. My husband Jonathan was my #1 cheerleader. He was my workout partner and was happy to help me make healthier choices.
7) Motivate yourself. Ultimately unless you are internally motivated you’ll fail. It is not everyone and their brother’s job to keep you constantly propped up. You have to be your own ally. Set small goals and reward yourself for each one that you meet. Don’t set 75 pounds as your goal. Set 10 pounds, celebrate when you reach that goal, and then set another one.
8) Read and Watch things about health and wellness. I like all the Biggest Loser stuff, all the marathon/weight/wellness documentaries, and books about health. Jillian Michaels “Master your Metabolism” is extreme, but I incorporated some of it and liked it. The book “Spark” is great. Runners World magazine has also been a great addition to my reading. Curves has a weight management book that details their plan that is helpful and there are countless websites and blogs that you can tap into. Educate yourself. I love all of the books in the “Eat this, Not that” series. They are tips that require almost no brain to follow. The books are basically picture books. Hit up your local library. This will save you lots of money in the reading department and you can consume more knowledge that way.
9) Learn to recognize true hunger and not just eat to eat or because you feel like you need to because it’s “meal time”. I’m still working on this.
10) Believe in and value yourself. You are worth it! Don’t let spouses or children or jobs stress you to the point that you stop taking care of yourself. Exercise is an amazing way to clear your mind and make you a better you.

Friday Thought Flights

Don't even get me started on Angry Birds stories and Anecdotes. You'll be reading for days.

I love being a mom. Sure, there are things about it that are daunting, annoying, and down right irritating, but the laughter, love, and supreme feeling of accomplishment that I get from my role as mom can't be found anywhere else. So, in keeping with the spirit of motherhood, you will have to endure anecdotes about my 6 year old son Reese and 4 year old son Gentry. Over the course of the day today two random things stood out to me:

1) I hate cutting tiny fingernails and toenails. This has always been one of my least favorite "chores" of motherhood. As bizarre as it sounds, I disliked this task more than changing diapers when they were infants. I had a complete fear of slicing open their delicate skin or trimming their nails painfully short and I could never get them to lay still or position their appendages in a direction that provided ease. Thankfully, the shrieks of terror, all out wrestling matches, and 8 hour trim sessions are a thing of the past. However, we still get to enjoy extreme bouts of drama every time the clippers come out. Gentry thinks I'm going to cut his toes off and yells at me not to touch the little ones. (I eventually get in there and get them all safely and effectively trimmed) And, Reese shuts his eyes, delicately spasms his body, and moans as if I'm extracting his nerve fibers one by one, even before my hands have gotten near his feet. The fact that I used to have to get Jonathan to sit on Reese for me to cut his fingernails and toenails is no joke. Cutting Reese's nails and toenails used to be a full aerobic workout for me complete with sweat soaked clothing. It got so dysfunctional at one point, that while I was still working at a job outside of my home, I used to strategically not cut his nails so that his babysitter would do it. She was a patient woman. She probably had horrible thoughts about the type of neglectful mother I was because Reese would occasionally show up at her house with talons on his feet and hands. Now that I'm blessed to have my office at home, no babysitter is around to bail me out. Today went somewhat smoothly in the trimming department though, and they both were rewarded with a pack of fruit snacks. This brings up another horrible parenting strategy of rewarding  your kids with food and bringing emotion into the eating process, but, sigh, you can't be perfect all of the time. Someday they'll have to explain to their therapist why stressful situations with positive endings induce sugar cravings :)

2) What you say and what is heard are rarely the same with children. This category will be explored at length with many musings, but my anecdote from this fact of life for today is humorous. Gentry loves the Wii he and Reese got for Christmas. In fact, while I was working on budgets and finances for our church all day, Gentry was glued to the Wii after pre-school. When Reese got home he kept saying, "Reese I got the goose. I got the goose." Finally Reese said "What goose are you talking about?" Gentry said, "You know. The one on Wii Sports Resort." Reese said "G, there is no goose." Gentry said "Yes there is. You know, the duck on the basketball game". Jonathan stepped in after this banter had continued for quite sometime and said, "you mean you dunked the basketball." "Yeah" Gentry said. "I guess it was a dunk and not a goose or duck." I laughed out loud for a while on that one. Kids come up with the craziest things. I love it.

A year in retrospect: A year in Focus

2011 is a year of endless possibilities. I will not let this year come, happen, and leave without allowing it to significantly impact me and the life of others. I am entering the end of the 2010 year and holiday season knowing that a huge and meaningful chapter to my life was written this year and I am expecting nothing but great, God sized things in 2011. 2010 was one of the first years that I actually stuck to several of my New Year’s Resolutions and I am exiting that year glad that my yesterday’s were the today’s that we always put off until tomorrow. Starting a diet is always easier “tomorrow”, being vigilant in prayer and bible reading is always best put off until “tomorrow”, and making life altering decisions are usually put on that proverbial back burner of “tomorrow” as well. What if my “tomorrow” never happened?

In 2010, most of you that follow my Facebook, Twitter, and Blog know that I ran my first ever half marathon. 13.1 miles with 15,000 strangers is nothing to sneeze at for a girl that couldn’t even run 2 miles one year ago. I turned 30; I lost 45 pounds, and, most importantly, saw the vision and calling of God turn from a gestational sized dream into a budding fetus. The dream and calling of the Bridge Church being planted in the Cleveland Metro Area is in full blown pregnancy, excited about its “Grand Opening” birth this spring. We are in our Pre-Launch phase and have seen God perform many miracles and change many lives. I am beyond excited for 2011.

That being said, I’ve evaluated myself and my plans and came up with some goals/resolutions for 2011. If I don’t reach and achieve each and every one, it’s ok, but I am always striving to better myself. In 2010 I read my bible through cover to cover 2 times. In 2011, I am going to devour and eat my bible. Rather than just consuming the word and nibbling on it cover to cover, I am going to journal my way through the New Testament. This means that every day, I will not just be marinating over and reading the Word, but I am going to chew and digest it. I am going to use the SOAP model of journaling that we are doing in our Life Groups to accomplish this. (Scripture, Observation, Application, Prayer).

In 2010 I began praying Luke 10:2 twice a day. (He told them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field. NIV) Every Christian should be a harvester. We are asking God to raise up disciple makers in the Bridge Church and for God to send us people that we can make disciples who in turn make disciples that make disciples. I am prompted to do this by my cell phone alarm. I have it set to go off at 10:02 Am and 10:02 PM every day. Doing this has changed my perspective, prayer life, and caused some major changes in the Spirit World in my area. If you are reading these random thoughts and are not a Christian or are just a casual God believer and want to know more, please contact me. I assure you that the power of the Word of God and Prayer in your life in 2011 will change your circumstance for the better. In 2011, I have made my “Scripture of the Year” Ephesians 6:18-6:19 inspired by one of Pastor Jonathan’s wonderful sermons. (18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. 19 Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.NIV)
I have now added an alarm to my phone to go off at 6:18 PM daily to remind me. I want to be a mystery revealer in 2011. I do not want to settle for ordinary. I know that the only way I will see the supernatural in my life, my family’s life, and the life of the Bridge Church is to pray without ceasing. These little “alarm clock” prayers are not my only conversations with heaven, but they assure that I am calling to my heavenly Father at all points throughout the day. I know that the amazing things God is wanting to do in the Western Cleveland suburbs will be through the hard work of “elbow grease”, but cannot and will not happen through just human hard work and effort alone. God wants all the glory and I will assure that He and He alone gets it.

On a personal level, I’d like to lose about 9 more pounds. However, if I don’t, I am healthier now than I have been in a decade and will be happy to maintain what I achieved in 2010. I’d also like to take that half marathon and turn it into a marathon. Jonathan and I have decided we are going to sign up for and run the Akron Marathon in September. A full glorious 26.2 miles awaits me. I am just amazed that I am even typing this. I’ve never been an athlete but have felt like one for the first time in my life in 2010. I cannot reiterate enough to you the power and importance of exercise in your life. I feel like a changed person. Much of the stress and frustration that we carry around can be dealt with and eliminated through taking care of your body. After all, if you are a Christian reading this, you know your body is the temple of God. Don’t pollute the temple! If you aren’t a Christian, know that carrying around mountains of fat never helped anyone. I am not some health guru, health evangelist, or personal trainer person. I still eat copious amounts of ice cream, skittles, and Five Guys. I’m not perfect. I do, however, value my health.

I would resolve to blog and write more, but I did that in 2010 and failed miserably. I love writing. The cathartic experience of putting thoughts out in the universe for others to read is second to none. However, the reality of having 2 small children, starting a church, holding numerous positions and responsibilities at the church, taking care of my physical health, taking care of my husband, volunteering at the school and in the community, and living life with Missional Purpose and Intent is too great. If I do a lot of writing, then I’ll do it. If I can’t, I can’t. I know one day I won’t wake up at 6 AM daily to 2 snuggly, yet demanding and loud boys and instead, I’ll find the sadness and solitude of silence, and then I can write. By then people may actually listen to what I have to say too because I’ll be full of years.

In 2010, I hit the milestone of turning the big 3-0! In 2011, I hit the milestone of celebrating 10 years of marriage with the love of my life and my best friend, Jonathan. It has been an amazing ride. We have been through things in our marriage that few young people ever have to deal with and have come out victorious. We have encountered some of the most major life stressors that people deal with in an entire lifetime, condensed in just a few short years. I’m so thankful that God saw fit to put us together for the wild, crazy, fun, stressful, invigorating ride of life.

In 2011 both of my boys will be in school. My oldest, Reese, is already in Kindergarten and will enter first grade. My youngest, Gentry, will start pre-school in the fall. The pre-school is just a 2 day program, but puts the speed of life into perspective. I always dreamt of being a mother and having babies and I’ve had 2 and they aren’t babies anymore!! That being said, I’m going to start focusing on the plight of mothers and infants in the US and around the world. I want to give more, do more, and help more. I have been blessed beyond belief and it’s time for me to crank up the level of blessing that I dole out to others. I already feel like Jonathan and I are givers, but you can’t out give God. I would like to every year take on a new project or cause that will outlive us.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Truth be told, this was more for my own good. I learned long ago that if you don’t put pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard, and outline your goals and plans, they will never come to fruition in your life.

The Story of my Life

So, it is true. My life is anything but dull. In fact, the life I live really is the stuff that producers look for when casting and writing a reality Television program. While a majority of the so called reality shows are actually scripted, my life would need nothing added to get people to tune in. I have adventure, mayhem, conflict, romance, good food, good fun, good people, challenging situations, and morals to learn with every tale that my life brings me. I’ve recently been reminded that life is nothing if not a very good story. As the protagonist of my own life and the lead character, it is up to me to develop a story worth telling. It is my sole responsibility to live my life in such a way that when the credits roll and the plot line climaxes for the last time, people have observed something worth clapping for, perhaps even something worthy of an awards nomination. This past weekend the story of my life brought me yet another humorous chapter. When life throws curveballs, we can decide to laugh and tweak our story for entertainment value, or become sad, frustrated, upset, and throw in the towel. While the emotions went the full spectrum from laughter to anger, the decided final theme was one of a weekend well played because it will be forever etched in our memory. Murphy was at his best this week and everything that could go wrong, definitely did.

My mother, my aunt, I, and my 2 sons decided we wanted to go to Lancaster, Pennsylvania for the weekend. It is Amish country and they have a magnificent playhouse that puts on spectacular Bible stories. This year the story is “Joseph”, which is one of my sons’ favorite bible characters. The tickets to these shows are far from cheap and non-refundable because they are broadway-esque productions. After leaving North Olmsted 2 hours later than scheduled on Friday, we embarked on the adventure of 3 ladies and 2 babies. The trip there went off without a hitch except the hotel I booked on hotwire was actually in York, PA, 40 minutes from Lancaster instead of the 10 minutes that hotwire claimed, the fact that a 6 hour drive turned into a 12 hour trip due to the numerous stops dictated by middle aged women and toddlers, and the fact that once we finally did stop for dinner, they took an hour to serve us and forgot to bring me my food after everyone else had been served and was finished. On Saturday, the day started well and quickly escalated into crazy. The ankle I had twisted the prior week got sprained and my ankle turned into the size of a tennis ball. We had to get that taken care of and off to the “Plan and Fancy” Amish farm we went. We saw an amazing Amish Experience play/movie/interactive stage and then went to dinner there. Things began to turn south as our supposed Amish dinner, which was overpriced for tourists, turned out to be boxed food. Every place I had eaten in Ohio’s Amish Country was delicious but this place served Kraft macaroni and Cheese and boxed bow tie pasta noodles trying to pass them off as Amish Egg noodles! It was unreal. I have never seen anything like it and I’m surprised in an area with Amish level culinary skills could get any business at all. I sent my noodles and macaroni and cheese back. If I wanted Kraft and generic bow tie, I would go pay $.99 at my local grocer and make it myself. We got back in the car to head to the dramatic production of Joseph.

We got about a mile down the street and pulled into an Amish bakery to grab some dessert on our way and the car totally quit working. We were driving in my mother’s vehicle, so of course, she was panicked. I will say we were thankful it broke down in a parking lot, but the 95 degree, humid day and the fact we were potentially going to lose out on the whole reason for going there, the play, and lose all the money put us all in a frenzy. Not to mention the fact that home was 6 hours away and the hotel was 40 minutes away!! Also, it was Saturday night so no rental car places were open. We called AAA and they were dragging their feet, so my Aunt flagged down some guys on a motorcycle and we found a gray haired lady in the restaurant with a set of jumper cables. We sure looked like a motley crue: 3 ladies, 2 babies, 2 motorbike dudes, and one Mrs. Doubtfire look alike all trying to get my mom’s car to work. Thankfully, the jump worked and we were able to fly into the nearest Pep Boys, 2 miles away, on a wing and a prayer.

The diagnosis is that her alternator and battery had totally fried and we could not drive the vehicle. We were such a mess that the manager of the Pep Boys took mercy on us and loaded the 5 of us up in his car and he drove us to the drama. We were faced with a more serious dilemma though. How were we going to get back to the hotel where we had already checked in and had all of our stuff at and then get back the next day to get the car? We called a taxi and were quoted $70 minimum one way. Thankfully, we came up with the idea of having my Aunt call my Uncle and he connected with an area pastor who so graciously on a Saturday night at 10:30 PM came and picked us up in his church van and drove us the 40 minutes to the hotel. The same church also shuttled us back the next day. Upon arriving back to Pep Boys, we discovered they hadn’t even started working on my mom’s car because the alternator they thought they had in the store was just an empty box!! So, adding insult to injury, we had all of our luggage, hadn’t eaten since the prior day at around 4 PM, and had no vehicle. Thankfully there was a restaurant about ¼ mile down and we drug ourselves there. Finally, after killing 3 hours, her car was done. We left Lancaster and began our long journey home.

Feeling the need to reward themselves for a long weekend, my mom and Aunt insisted we had to have cracker barrel for dinner. So, even though we left super late, we drove 30 minutes OUT OF THE WAY so they could fill their craving. Mind you, there is a cracker barrel 5 minutes from our house. Why couldn’t they have just waited until a different day? So, after leaving Cracker Barrel the GPS said we’d arrive home at 10:30 but that was before nature happened. Tornado like winds, lightening, thunder, and heavy, torrential downpours hit our car. We had to go 35 miles an hour on the interstate because of visibility issues. Reese suddenly woke up out of a dead sleep and said something about his belly hurting. I lovingly told him to go back to sleep and then joked to the rest of the car that it would be the icing on the cake of our chaotic weekend if Reese vomited in the car. It wasn’t even 2 minutes later that he threw up everywhere. It was powerful, massive, and explosive. It went everywhere. All of him, splatters on Gentry, and splatters on my Aunt. Therefore, when we did arrive at home at 11:30 PM, I had the honor of cleaning him up, doing laundry, wiping up the car, taking apart his car seat, washing it, and cleaning Gentry up. Needless to say, we were glad to be home and see the sun rise on Monday.
Besides sharing this humorous, but cringe worthy story with you for entertainment value, there is a moral to this story. The moral is, you can’t control life. It isn’t up to you to control it. If I blogged about every weekend or event that played out in my life with this same outline, I would bore you. I am a magnent for uncomfortable, funny, and strange situations. I am married to Murphy. His law is tattooed on my heart. I pretty much would understand if no one that craved order and control watned to be my friend. My life is especially unpredictable at times. Novel and movie worthy events seem to follow me. Sometimes this frustrates me, but today, I am amused by it. Perhaps God just really enjoys my performances and as the author of my life and the director of my story, he gets great pleasure in watching me act in certain life scenes. Conceivably, I have won academy awards at heavens banquets and will be presented with them at the Marriage Supper of the Lamb. As the lead character in my own story, I am just glad to add another chapter.

Death of a Dad

Death is so final. I’m sorry to sit here and tell all of you who just lost somebody extremely close to you, that it never gets any easier. I wish I could say it does. The counselor in me can tell you though, that you can indeed successfully make it through the stages of grief and come out to a degree of normalcy on the other side. I was told by a wise person during my greatest time of grief that time does not heal all wounds, but it will give you the tools you need to handle the wound.

This weekend celebrates 6 years since my dad went into the coma that ultimately claimed his life. It was on Father’s Day Sunday that we sat in the family living room with him for the last time. I wish I could do that day all over again. What could I have said or done differently? He had just been discharged from the hospital that weekend where he was admitted for his long term battle with kidney issues. His transplanted kidney was failing again, but we had been down that road before and had it covered this time. As children, when his kidney first failed, my brother and I were not even considered to be kidney donors. We were too young. This time around though, we were adults and ready to be tested to see who the closest match was and to give him one of our kidneys. Although it was a struggle for us to face again, we had this path routed out and knew we would come out ahead. Life had other plans though.

While he was admitted to the hospital, my father, in his transplanted immune suppressed state, had somehow contracted meningitis. We did not know this until that Father’s Day, 2004, when he was acting drugged in the living room. He could barely stay awake and the man that was a wordsmith and genius, could barely put sentences together. We thought perhaps he was just still a little sick and exhausted. This behavior continued all day, but we had grown rather use to health problems in the Bentley home, so the worst case scenario was not even considered. The Monday after father’s day, I got a call at work to tell me to go to ICU immediately because my dad was dying. I raced out the door, with hardly an explanation to my co-workers or boss. I didn’t care what they thought and could barely comprehend what was even going on. I think at some point I must have picked up Jonathan because he ended up at the hospital with me, but I have little recollection about what happened in those following hours. All I know is that the dad I knew was gone. He was hooked up to Life-support and in a coma. We had to wear surgical gear to even go into him because they didn’t know what strain of meningitis he had. It eventually led to encephalitis and led to complete brain death. During his 3 months in a coma, he came out of the coma for a couple of days and when they put a voice box over his tracheotomy, the first thing he did was to begin singing, “How Great thou Art”. What a great anthem to our heavenly Father and enormous tribute to the kind of man my father was.

I still can’t talk about these moments very easily and even while typing them, the dam I have built around my emotions has broke loose. I had a few treasured moments with him during these days, but still carry around loads of regret. Could I have done something to change the outcome of this? I know, as an intelligent person, that I contributed nothing to his death. I imagine it is just natural to feel guilt and regret about monumental life events that alter the course of our destiny. Could we have prayed more, loved harder, pushed further? I know that logically, I couldn’t have. After a couple of days out of the coma, he went back in it? I still have no idea why. The doctors offered all kinds of explanations and did numerous tests, but they were always telling us something different. Even the doctors couldn’t agree completely. Their theories ranged from West Nile Virus to “fill in the blank” and “you name it they theorized on it”. The one thing they could all agree on though, is that during the 2nd round of coma, he had lost all brain activity. There was no way he was ever coming back.

This giant of a man, this genius of intellect, this warrior for God had renewed his mind for the final time. I ask myself almost daily why he only got 51 years on this earth, but then, almost simultaneously, I give thanks for the 51 years he did have. Not everyone gets the privilege of being raised by a dad of his caliber. I’m thankful that he was there through my entire childhood, on my wedding day, and at all of my academic graduations. Sure, he never got to meet my children, but God, in his mercy, has blessed both my boys with their own giant of a father. If your father is still alive and is even half the man my dad was, please, don’t miss out on celebrating him this weekend.

Mother's Day 2010

May the 7^th is a day that holds special significance and meaning to me. True, there are some years where it has an even deeper meaning than others, but for at least 5 years, it has been a day filled with a tornado of emotions. May 7, 2005 was the year that this date changed forever for me. It was at 2AM on May 7, 2005 that I began to go into labor for my first child, my firstborn son Reese. If you know our family dates, you are probably scratching your head because Reese’s birthday isn’t until May 8. Reese decided to show us his strong will early on. The labor started at 2 AM on May 7 and Reese wasn’t delivered until 10:59 PM May 8. Looking back though at those two treacherous days, I have to smile. A part of me feels that this was all a part of Reese’s master plan. You see, May 8, 2005 was mother’s day. That strong will of his is also masked in an unbelievably thoughtful, loving, kind, charming, and intelligent boy. He wanted his mommy to have the best first mother’s day gift ever, the life of my first child, him.

It really was a date for the record books. I had gone into the hospital on May 7 early in the morning and they tracked my contractions all day then sent me home because the labor was going so slowly. Because my husband is a pastor and Mother’s Day is one of those “big”, “significant” church Sunday’s; he did not feel like he should miss the Sunday Morning service. My water had already broken and I had already had two days worth of contractions, and yet I gave him the green light to attend service and speak that morning. He had his cell phone sitting on the podium, waiting for that desperate plea from me that I can’t take it anymore. In retrospect, this was a horrible decision! What if I had delivered Reese at home with no one to help me? It could’ve happened. My water had already broken. I suppose they would’ve just done a TLC reality show special on me if that had happened. Who could’ve predicted such an eventful first mother’s day?

Mother’s Day has always been an extraordinary day for me. For the past 30 years, I have been blessed to have a mother. 30 years ago on April 23, 1980, she gave birth to me, with no pain control medication might I add, and has stuck by my side through the whole ride. Now, as a mother myself, I can see all of the small sacrifices that were hidden from me before. It reminds me of the bible verse that says; “Now we see through a glass darkly, but soon we’ll see.” As children we go through life seeing things, but not really recognizing them. As a mother that was blessed to also have a mother, things have become clear to me in ways that were before, at best, hazy. Who really knew how much work the daily grind of life could be for a mother? Every time my kids fight me about bedtime or cleaning up their toys, I can only be so irritated. It was a mere few decades ago that I was that child testing my independence.

Being a parent, or being an adult that is heavily and lovingly involved in the life of a child is the best representation of Christianity on this earth that I can think of. In a society that keeps blurring the lines of what family really is and what it means to be a family, I’m thankful for the example of a heavenly father on the correct way to treat my children. As mother’s, society still puts most of the pressure of running a household on us. We are expected to be educated with multiple college degrees, hold exciting jobs, move up the career ladder, and still produce children that we singlehandedly care for while juggling homes, careers, significant others, and we are to do this while looking physically fit, gorgeous, put together, stylish, and even sexy! We really face a lot of pressure as women and mothers in this 21^st century world. Even though I view myself as a quasi-feminist in that I believe women should be educated, should have equal employment opportunities, and should receive equal pay for the stuff they do, I can’t help but think life would be simpler if we could return to the era of a one income household. In our quest as women to be viewed as equals in society, we have actually somehow made it so that we aren’t equals at all. In fact, we are expected to be super mom and super women, while the men are just expected to do what they’ve always done. Go to work, bring home money, mow the lawn, and watch sports. The purpose of this blog is not to bash men. In fact, my husband is amazing and I can’t imagine doing life without him. I can’t imagine parenting without him. He goes above and beyond societies expectation for dads and he’s a real father. I appreciate all men that fill that role. The purpose of this blog is to honor women that play a significant role in the life of children. You are a hero!

Whether you are a mother because you conceived and bore a child or because you adopted one as your own or because you have stepped into the life of the children in your community to love, nurture, and grow them, your impact on their life will be unparalleled. There is nothing like the love of a mother when it is displayed in all its glory and in its purest and most natural state. Too often in the Christian world we think of God in all the masculine roles that he plays. He has been given the name Heavenly Father, and while that is a biblical term and while he plays that role, let us not forget that in Genesis it states that both male and female were created in his image. We need to celebrate that through our job as mom, we are displaying the love of Christ and the image of who God is in our children. God’s comfort holds us like a mother’s arms when we fall and it is through his mercy and grace that we can identify our propensity to overlook the faults of our children and defend and encourage them.

Know this mother’s day weekend, that your role as mom is literally fundamental in shaping the next generation of leaders. Your degrees and education and careers and goals can all find harmony in your role as mom. I don’t believe being a mom is an either or choice. I’ll either be a mom or I’ll pursue my goals. They can line up together. Celebrate the life of your children and the lives of the children around you that you impact and know that every time you see a successful adult it is because somebody took the time to sew seeds into their life as a child.

Dedicated to: Reese Bentley Buckland (May 8, 2005) and Gentry Jonathan Buckland (December 11, 2007) who made me a mother and gave me the greatest title I’ll ever hold and to Donna Lynn Whitmore Bentley (Mother) who gave me the chance at life.